A Good Cry at REI

My favorite store, REI, is not far from our neighborhood but I hardly ever go.  Everything about REI screams the Pacific NW and it makes me instantly homesick to go inside.

A couple days ago I was running errands nearby when I remembered that I really needed a new headlamp for my early morning runs.  I walked in and was suddenly submersed in NW outdoors deliciousness.  And somewhere between the inflatable canoes and energy bars I started sobbing uncontrollably.  It wasn't homesickness though.  I was going home.  In the middle REI, it had finally sunk in.  Ed got a job and we are coming home!

We have known that this job was probably going to happen for a few weeks, but between the madness of daily living and my fear that it would fall through, I never let myself feel it.  But wandering the aisles of gortex and fleece released all of the joy and relief of finally realizing this goal.

Oh there is much left to figure out - Will anyone buy our NoVA townhouse?  Where will we live and where will the boys go to school?  Noe's therapies.....we have been so incredibly blessed with autism therapists here, and we love his school.... what will happen in Seattle?  And my job.  I love my job.  I told Ed he had to find the first job because I had more marketable skills than he did (half-jokingly...in reality...neither of us have marketable skills).  Now I have to find a job! Stress, let me tell ya.

But for that tiny moment of time life was beautiful and perfect and our future was exactly where we wanted it to be.

I guess this is an official announcement.

Familia Guzman
Seattle - Early Spring 2013

Autism Nights

Just when we thought Noe was finally developing good sleeping patterns, this week happened.

It feels like he has spent more time awake than asleep between the hours of 9PM and 6AM this week.  Two nights ago, I thought he was FINALLY down and I went up to my bed, only to awake shortly after to find him downstairs with the music on full blast, running around the house swinging a ribbon in the air, like he was trying out for the US Olympic Rhythmic Gymnastics team.

I've had lots of time this week to reflect on all of the other middle-of-the-night scenes we have woken up to over the years, including...

Noe sitting on the cold pantry floor eating hershey kisses (I think we estimated he had consumed at least 20 by the time we found him)

Noe sitting or standing on the kitchen counters eating cookies/cupcakes/fruit snacks.  Once we caught him sitting up on the fridge.

Noe playing ball on our back deck at 2AM (luckily, we always keep the back fence locked).

Noe in Asher's bed/ in our bed/under our bed.

Noe riding his razor scooter (which had been stored for winter in our downstairs closet) through the hardwoods of our house.

Noe dumping out an entire Costco-sized pail of laundry detergent in the storage room to make his own sand box.

Noe sorting his blocks/his pegboard pegs/Ed's ties by color and leaving them in piles around the house.

#autismnightssuck

Ten

Double-digits, I can't believe it!  How can I even be old enough to have a ten year old?  Didn't I graduate from high school ten years ago?

You continue to amaze me, baffle me, humble me, and tire me out on a daily basis.  You have the gentlest hugs and kisses, but play the loudest music.  You are constantly in motion, but sleep so hard I have to often carry you up the stairs to your breakfast in the morning.  You still say few words, but your eyes speak volumes.

Your obsessions..... Amy Winehouse's music, iPad games, the ocean.... they are both maddening and endearing.  You pick up new things so quickly now, until I remember how far behind you are compared to your peers.

We had a great day, Noecito.  Your Papi was off of work and he took you and your brother to your favorite moon bounce local.  Later we went to your favorite restaurant, Chipotle, for dinner, so you could eat all of the beans and rice you wanted.  I made birthday cupcakes and Asher helped decorate them.  We ate cupcakes and ice cream after we sang 'Happy Birthday' to you.  You were so happy and blew out your candles through your mouth (versus most years - blowing through your nose!)  You loved being the little celebrity of the day and we loved celebrating you!

Christmas Eve

The boys are in bed (although I hear Noe bouncing a ball off the wall....he is still a couple hours away from sleep I'm afraid).  Asher asked to go to bed as soon as it started to get dark, around 5:30PM.  He didn't want to take a chance that he might be awake when Santa arrived at our house.  I logged onto the Santa tracker to reassure him that Santa was still busy delivering presents to the children of Hamburg, Germany, and there was no chance he would make an appearance before 9PM.  I will take no chance that Asher will be at my bedroom door at 3:30AM begging to open presents!

At 8PM, Asher assembled a plate of cookies and cup of milk for Santa (Actually, it took a couple of tries because Noe kept eating the cookies he put out) and headed for bed.  As I came upstairs from tucking them into their sturdy little bunk bed,  I could hear Asher singing Christmas carols to himself, totally enraptured in the holiday and joy it brings.

I love this time with the boys.  Their imaginations, sweet innocence, and charming earnestness bring enough holiday magic into our little home to completely neutralize the cynicism and crankiness left behind from the adults in the house.

Earlier today we went down to the National Mall to catch the holiday train exhibit at the US Botanical Garden, admire the Christmas tree at the National Capitol, and take in a couple of museums.  This holiday season we also made a gingerbread house, looked at Christmas lights, listened to a holiday concert at the local town center, and attended a special Christmas musical program at church.

There has just been one thing (or rather person) missing amongst all of this merriment.  My partner-in-crime, Easy Ed.  Have I mentioned his work schedule sucks?  Between travel and work, he has been Holiday MIA.  Christmas, both its glory and its never-ending WORK, has been 99% me.   Last weekend, we were able to sneak him out to dinner at our favorite Argentine restaurant and then to the Festival of Lights.  We had a great time together, we felt complete.

Tonight, I will fill the stockings and put out the Santa gifts.  Sometime in the early morning hours Easy Ed will stumble into bed.  Then I will get him up so he can watch the boys open their presents with bleary eyes.  And then he will sleep until he has to go back to work.

It is a strange mix of emotions. On one hand I am truly grateful for all that I have and I know Ed feels the same. The boys are healthy and flourishing within their given potentials, we have great family and friends who love and support us, and providing  Christmas for our family has never stretched us financially.  On the other hand, I am completely and utterly exhausted from our current life situation and crave change.

Ed has had this work schedule for many years and it is the nature of his industry.  At the beginning of our marriage, it wasn't such a big deal.  When the boys were babies, it meant he got to see a lot of them during their waking hours, which was great (not so great for me dealing with night time by myself, but I survived).  Now the boys are in school.  Ed can go days without seeing the boys because he has to leave for work before they are out of school.  Throw in a bit of travel and days can turn into a week.  It isn't the way either of us wanted to raise our kids.

We are on the precipice of a major life change for the better.  It is soooo close to becoming a reality. How wonderful it will be to have him home in the evenings for dinner and bedtime, and then up with the rest of us again.   

I can hear Easy Ed screaming in my ear right now,  "Don't you know you are TEMPTING FATE by writing this, Woman!"  

All I know is that if our Major Life Change does become a reality, I will try my very hardest to never take it for granted.

Eight

When neighborhood kids come to our door and I tell them you are at the playground playing "Asherball," no one raises an eyebrow.  It has become the official sport of the neighborhood.

You always say please and thank you and have so much COMPASSION brimming out of that gangly little body.

When I stumbled downstairs one early morning not long ago, you were finishing up a game of chess with your stuffed bear, Turquoise.  With a straight face, you said, "I won. Turquoise conceded."

You agree with me that at some point, Turquoise the Bear will need to stay home.  Although, to you, college should be that time.  I was thinking more like the third grade.

You have a very interesting concept of how babies are created, which includes a seed in a girl's belly and mental telepathy.  I guess at some point we'll need to clear that up, but not yet.

You play soccer with a big grin on your face.  Actually, you do EVERYTHING with a smile.

You do your very best to be a good boy, and mostly succeed.

You were so excited when Noe called to you by name for the first time!  You remain your brother's biggest cheerleader.

I spend a lot of time on Google as I try to keep up with you.  What?  There is a fifth world ocean?  When did that happen?  Yes, you are right..."APPALACHIAN" does end in -ian!  Umm...I suppose a cloud would be considered a form of gas........  My brain hurts a lot.

You are a light and joy to our little family.  You insist we celebrate every holiday to its fullest.  I promise to do a better Kwanza this year so that you don't have to write in your class journal, "For Kwanza we went to the beach in Santa Monica" again.  Note to self:  Look up exactly how one celebrates Kwanza.
               
I truly treasure every day with you, my Ashercito.  Even if your questions do make my head hurt.  Happy 8th Birthday!

Thanksgiving 2012

We had a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving Holiday.

Highlights:

*Ed had to work on Thanksgiving Day (surprise!), so we ate early in the day.  No food was burned this year.

*On Friday, we woke the boys up early to do the 1-mile Gingerbread Man run at Reston Town Center.
The boys did well...so proud of Noe!  He was all smiles across the finish line and posted a respectable 10 minute mile with very minimal prodding along the course.  With his 0% body fat and endless energy stream, kid could really run if he ever put his mind to it.   We'll keep working on it.   Asher was at the front of the pack, but more whiny about the temperature and hour.  Easy Ed placed in the eight-and-under category.

*Directly from the race, we zoomed off to Charlottesville for some good old US History and bad collegiate pizza.

Photos: (in no particular order...I'm in a hurry!)

Eyes and feet straight ahead!

Only 10ish more years until all THIS begins!  Yikes!

Monticello Visitors Center

UVA - so fun to be in a college town for a little while!

   

UVA - gorgeous campus!

This is a good representative photo of Noe at
Monticello (TJ's home)....polite and well-behaved but
not very interested.

This is a good representative photo of Easy Ed at Monticello.
It was probably a tie between him and Asher as far as who loved this place more!

My boys
(Monticello in the background)

Me Part 2: Work

Digging my heels into outside-the-home work over the past three years has taught me a lot about myself and what I want my future to look like.  For instance...

- I think it would be extremely difficult for me to go back to full-time stay-at-home mode now.  I am so much happier, healthier, and more productive with another title besides mom.  Life can get hectic and stressed with so many "plates to keep spinning" but most days it is better.

- I like working autonomy and a flexible schedule (and have a lot of it in my current job) and someday want to own a business or nonprofit, even if it is just a side hustle.   I think I've always known this.

- I also still want to teach.  I don't know how I'm going to reconcile those two goals.

- It's interesting how much I value that flexibility and autonomy.  A year ago I was offered a potentially much higher paying position that would have put me directly back under the company umbrella.  I barely considered the offer...and it wasn't because I didn't have use for the extra money!  I love being able to plan my work schedule around my kids and life most days....even if it means I have to stay up late working some nights.  I don't take for granted how good I have things in this department.

- Work is also the reason why I post twice a month on this blog instead of twice a week like I used to.... it's not very appealing to sit down with my laptop after an entire day of .... sitting down with my laptop.