Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Five Reasons Why Halloween Is the Worst Thing About Fall


Yeah, I'm a Halloween hater. I have many friends who love it and I admire their passion and creativity (check out this friend's Zombie Barbie collection....THAT I do love). But not me, not ever. And especially now that I have kids.

Why do I hate Halloween? Let me count the ways....

1. Costume shops. They smell like a mix of latex, armpit sweat and really, really cheap stuff.

2. Trick-or-treating with Noe. I love Noe to death, I really do. But autism and Halloween are a bad mix. Trick-or-treating with Noe is at best comical, at worst nightmarish. When we knock on a door, Noe expects to go inside when the door is answered. I spend most of the exchange frantically pulling him away from the entrance and praying that the candy giver doesn't require Noe to say "Trick or Treat." Not that I'm embarrassed of his autism, but who would want to explain THAT to perfect strangers over and over throughout the night? Often, Noe will receive his candy, and then hand it right back to the candy giver. Then I get the "Teach your kid some manners" look.

We have a group of nice neighbors who at least sort-of get Noe's differences, and I have no problem ringing their doorbells. However, Asher could spend hours casing neighborhoods for candy and the night never ends well for anyone (see #5 for additional insight).

3. Dressing up Noe for Halloween. I have yet to find a costume that Noe will wear. We've tried every innocuous costume available....Bear, Baseball player, Soccer player, Train Conductor, Dog. Even the Mexican Jumping Bean Costume, when he just had to wear a brown paper sack over his clothes, didn't survive the lap around the neighborhood. And to be honest, I never loved getting dressed up as a kid either. The candy was adequate motivation to make a good effort, but I never recall being really excited about my costume. Plus, growing up in Portland, you wear a raincoat over your costume, so no one really sees your costume anyways.

3. Candy. It does nothing good for anyone. The boys go crazy. Ed and I get fatter. And this year I am going into the holiday dangerously close to being in good shape and a happy size, yet I just can't resist chocolate. Especially chocolate that starts and ends in the letter M.

4. Horror movies. I've never enjoyed them. Life already scares the hell out of me. Why would I want to get scared on purpose, for enjoyment?

5. Single-parent Halloween celebrations. Ed has worked EVERY Halloween since we've been parents. I'm not exactly sure how that math worked out, because he does get nights off. Regardless, it sucks. Trying to be a good neighbor and provider of neighborhood candy at my door, plus dealing with Noe's Halloween trauma, plus making sure Asher has a fun evening and reaches his candy quota, equals

I HATE HALLOWEEN!

4 comments:

kristie sessions said...

oh, i am right there with you. my husband doesn't have to work, but he really doesn't like the holiday either so he might as well be working as much as he is checked out. and i HATE the smell of it all, and I am already going into the holidays 20+ lbs. so this year round will be horrible!

Anonymous said...

kristie sessions,

yeah, i am agree with you.

Ovratnica

Kage said...

now that I have read this post and the comment from k-lars, I appreciate you guys dressing up in Halloweens past EVEN more....I consider it an act of friendship that you participated. Try to get through it!for me! you can do it!

for the record: I don't love the candy part either...just the dressing up!

Stacy Smith said...

I am so with you. I have always hated Halloween, I used to dress up in whatever suggestion from my mother made me cry the least. I don't like doing costumes with my kids. I do love candy, but I don't need it and I can't resist it if it is sitting in front of me. I do not like to be scared, startled, or spooked. The only thing I like is pumpkin carving. Of course that has been somewhat ruined by having to coordinate 6 kids doing it. Now it is just a big messy hassle.

Here's to smiling and doing it anyway!